By Rona Barrett
The end of another year and time for top ten lists: best of, worst of – and I wouldn’t be surprised if someday there is an award show for best award shows.
So why not affix myself to the fracas by handing out my own awards? Call it “Great Moments in Star-Studded Senior Moments.”
Like the time a reporter asked the aging French actress about her memory loss for names. Her reply: “Why do you think I call everyone dahling…dahling?”
A famous actress playing Cleopatra, miffed by a studio executive with faulty faculty, challenged him, “I’ll give you half of my million dollar salary if you tell me who I am right now!” The befuddled executive replied, “You’re Cleopatra.”
An aging actress who won her first Oscar went to use the facilities and left the Oscar statue in the stall!
An elderly actor met and married his nubile young wife on the same day. The next morning he had no choice but to ask for her name. They lived happily ever after: she on his alimony; he with a new wife whose name he made sure to memorize.
In his later years, the lyricist credited for “Unforgettable” confessed not being able to remember the name of the love he wrote the song about.
A certain retired actor and ex-U.S. President was asked by the press one evening to summarize a concert he had just attended. His reply? “How can I? I know only two songs. One is Yankee Doodle Dandy and the other…isn’t.”
A once-famous aging actor late for the play he was starring in ran into the panicked stage manager just before the curtain was to go up and asked, “Which way’s the stage and what’s the play?!”
A golden oldie actor once appeared in a play that revolved around his answering a climactic telephone call. But onstage, when the phone rang and the actor picked up the receiver, his mind went blank. Desperate, he shoved the phone into the hand of the other surprised actor and said, “It’s for you.”
When a studio demanded an aging contract player undergo a mental health screening, he protested, “Anybody who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.”
A famous comedian couldn’t remember saying this famous line when a mother told him she had 12 children because she loved her husband: “I love my cigar, but I take it out once in a while.”
A guest speaker at a symposium about equal opportunity for the aging in the entertainment industry was a no-show because he forgot about the event.
A senior critic, in his review of a male movie star playing the lead role of Willy Loman in Death Of A Salesman wrote: “I was overwhelmed by the tragic smallness of the lead actor’s Willy.”
Did you notice? This was the first time I’ve reported on Hollywood without naming names. I did this so not to embarrass the subjects – and because I’d probably only remember half their names anyway!
Until next time…keep thinking the good thoughts…And what was your name?
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at[email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
