By Rona Barrett
“Did you ever think of getting rid of that mole on your lip?”
My very dear friend recounted my elderly father, Harry’s, punch-to-her-solar-plexus question when they lunched together at his favorite Chinese restaurant.
When my friend replied “No,” he jabbed, “Well, what does your husband think about it?”
My poster-girl-for-patience friend laughed, “He doesn’t say anything.”
Harry parried, “So how long have you been married?”
“Twenty years.”
“Well,” said Harry going for the verbal TKO, “I guess if he can live with it, so can you…but you’d look so much better without it.”
I was exasperated and mortified at my father. She was gracious and forgiving. In the end we decided it was another example of a stereotypical cranky, cantankerous curmudgeon growing more bluntly critical – and conservative – in his later years.
But a mountain of research and evidence proves at least one aspect of that stereotype is indisputably NOT true.
Yes, we seniors may get blunter, lose our impulse control, get frustrated quicker – but in terms of issues and attitudes toward politics, economics, race, gender, religion and sexuality – “elderly Americans’ opinions veer toward the liberal as they grow older.”
That comes from a University of Vermont sociology study.
So then, why the stereotype of seniors being more set in their ways?
Because stereotyping seniors sells.
Look at greeting cards, sitcoms, advertising and stand-up routines:
The stand-up’s line: “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
The “seven dwarfs of old age” greeting cards: Nappy, Wrinkly, Squinty, Rocky (as in chair), Saggy, Farty and Leaky.
The TV comedy sketch: “Arthritic Idol.”
Advertisements that only portray the elderly, as one researcher describes: “half–dead codgers, meddling biddies, grandfatherly authority figures or nostalgic endorsers of products that claim to be just like in the good old days.”
Sit-com’s cookie cutter older characters (Exhibit A: the “gun-toting granny”) whose sole function is to be a throwaway punch line.
Clever and all played for laughs but false and becoming tiresome if not – according to a recent study in the American Psychological Association’s Journal – socially and emotionally damaging to older adults.
Now I’m not about to suggest that there’s a sweeping solution to all this.
All we can do individually is literally not buy into the stereotypes by paying attention to them–or paying for them.
And we seniors can catch ourselves when we are acting out the role of the cranky, cantankerous old curmudgeon: We can show interest in others. Contribute to society and not just complain about it. Not be afraid to try something new. Keep mentally and physically fit. And constantly challenge our accepted beliefs.
And let’s face it. For those situations we can’t control, maybe we should take Bob Dylan’s advice, just step back “and watch the river flow.” Hard to believe that the now 75 year-old Dylan wrote that song 45 years ago!
And now I’m off to my dermatologist. I have a mole to be looked at.
Until next time…keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at[email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
