A friend recently asked me to weigh in on the upcoming Fox series “Feud,” about the fiery rivalry between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford on the set of the 1962 movie “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?”
Weigh-in is a good word because the series’ subplot is the prizefight between two heavyweights bobbing and weaving in the ring of Hollywood. And the prize Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons were competing for? Celebrity gossip.
I wouldn’t call it an even match though. Louella was Mr. Hearst’s girl, and had in her corner all the wallop of William Randolph’s 600 worldwide newspapers.
Hedda was considered the slight underdog, even though she brought to the fight the L.A. Times and its national syndicate.
Both these long established “makers or breakers” were 50 or so years my senior when I met them both.
Hedda sat on a throne-like tufted chair in the lounge of the lady’s room of the Coconut Grove. I tentatively tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Miss Hopper, I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Rona Barrett and we both write for the same magazine.”
Hedda turned around and retorted, “That’s your problem.”
My introduction to Miss Parsons during an evening at the Coconut Grove was an urgent one.
“Rona, Louella has to go to the ladies’ room and she needs some help — would you take her?”
How could I refuse?
As we started walking to the ladies’ room, Queen Louella decided to ever so leisurely stop at each table to anoint her fawning celebrity audience.
All I could think was: Louella Parsons is going to have an accident and it’s going to be my fault! She didn’t, thank goodness.
Later on, I was on the verge of stepping into the ring with my then-rival Joyce Haber, Hollywood columnist for the L.A. Times. At the time, she with her “guess who, don’t sue” approach had a bigger reputation than I. Hollywood was fearful that if they didn’t show up to one of her many glamorous galas, Joyce would have something terrible to say about them.
In print, Joyce fired a few salacious salvos in my direction but I never retaliated.
Why? It was negative and mean-spirited. My advice to myself was: Just keep quiet, Rona, and it will all go away. And it did.
There was another reason I didn’t want to get mired in the malicious mucky muck. As a child, I had already had enough of kids calling me names because I couldn’t physically do the same things they did.
But here’s the hunch I had that Joyce, and Hedda and Louella didn’t.
That while reporting about Hollywood was never going to go away, readers and fans would soon be going away from newspapers in droves to get the latest — to a place called television.
And I was going to be there waiting for them. I bet my career on it.
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>A friend of mine was shocked to hear this revelation from her friend, sole caretaker of her Alzheimer’s-afflicted husband of 50-plus years. Recently, he violently attacked her without provocation.
This apparently happens in 10 to 12 percent of Alzheimer’s cases. This year in California, 65,000 to 75,000 caregivers will be violently attacked by Alzheimer’s sufferers.
Like Jekyll to Hyde, Alzheimer’s sufferers suddenly transform from passively distant to monstrously aggressive — cursing, kicking, punching and biting — driven by hidden demons.
This is the dark untold story of the ugly beast called Alzheimer’s — one not fully addressed even in the new PBS special “Alzheimer’s: Every Minute Counts.”
So what do most victims of their inflicted loved ones do about these attacks? What can they do but cry? It’s the disease — not the patient.
Like most caregivers, my friend’s friend didn’t call the police. How could she press charges against the love of her life who could not even remember his actions?
Embarrassed, she tried to make light of it, laugh it away and even deny the problem. That he could lose all the dignity she so admired in him — succumbing to kicking and clawing like a trapped animal — tore up her “till death do us part” heart.
She didn’t want to hear, “… just put him in a home.” The patient cost of memory care and Alzheimer’s facilities can cost upward of $7,000 a month and not be fully covered by Medicare or insurance.
I hope my friend’s friend opens up to her family and the support that is out there — support groups, local organizations, the Internet, a good doctor and caregivers for hire.
In the meantime, here are some tips for Alzheimer caregivers who find themselves in this volatile, no-win, situation:
Back down. Relax. Calm down. If the patient says no, try again later when the person’s mood has improved.
When the patient is upset, apologize. This will buy time and good will. Don’t argue because you can’t win. Don’t try to physically force the person to do anything.
Change the topic or change the setting. Talk about something the person enjoys while remaining calm. Suggest they go to a place that might be more relaxing and less distracting.
Realize the world is distorted for an Alzheimer’s patient. The patient is hypersensitive to noise, confusion and easily fatigued. They become increasingly irritable and disorientated late in the day: aka the Sundown syndrome. Choose a time when you know the sufferer is most alert and best able to process new information or surroundings — typically mornings.
Call 911 if you or the patient are at risk. When a sufferer sees a uniform, he or she is likely to feel reassured about his or her safety.
For nonemergency help and support, contact the Alzheimer’s Association’s 24-hour hotline at 1-800-272-3900 or alzconnected.org.
If you haven’t already, I encourage you to watch the new PBS special. But, equally important, also watch out for friends, family and neighbors caring for an Alzheimer’s victim.
Until the next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>That was my mother after the gazillionth stranger began telling me his story while waiting at a crosswalk. Or maybe it was in a store, or on a subway, or in a movie line.
Since I was nine years old, everywhere I went, people would tell me their stories. Public leaning post, human wailing wall, sounding board – that’s me! No wonder I went into my line of work.
While I was regularly appearing on network television, people would tell me I was asking questions of my guests they themselves would have liked to ask. That was music to my ears because, from the beginning to the end of my Hollywood career, goal number one was to be a good listener.
And this past Christmas Eve I was privileged to be a sounding board once again.
We wanted Golden Inn & Village (GIV) residents to have a wonderful Christmas Eve – in their new home, one they never dreamed they would be living in. So our volunteers put together a festive dinner and party with music, song and laughter.
Throughout the festivities, appreciative GIV residents and families overwhelmed us with their heartfelt thanks. But it wasn’t just me, or our wonderful volunteers, they were thanking.
They were thanking YOU – the good (and I do mean good) people of the greater Santa Ynez Valley – the village that helped build the Village.
One little nine-year-old boy said, “This is the first time in my entire life I’ve had my own bed in my own bedroom. You have changed my life.”
A resident who had been living in her car for two years had just somewhat skeptically moved in that day. But by night, she celebrated in song and dance.
Another resident said to all of us in the Valley, “this is a great job you’ve done.” Fighting through tears, his wife added, “I would have never imagined we would wind up in a place like this.”
And that’s how the whole evening went.
A few days later, we – and you good people – received several thank you notes from the residents of GIV.
A handmade card, with a sketch of a single rose, red:
“A single red rose signifies the highest and most elegant status of love and respect. We, the residents of GIV offer all of you undying gratitude and respect for the amazing home you have given us in love. We cannot give you an Oscar but we can present this single red rose with our deepest love and respect. We love you…!”
Another card read:
“We will be forever grateful. You have given many of us happiness and a sense of hope we have not felt in many years. Thank you for restoring our hearts. All our love.”
At the party, and when we read their cards, there wasn’t a resident, staff member, volunteer – or human wailing wall – who didn’t have tears in our eyes.
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>This is the grand vision of the TWILIGHT WISH FOUNDATION: turning seniors’ wishes, unfulfilled dreams, and experiences they’ve always yearned for into reality.
“We have a lack in our country of showing those who have paved the path for us that we care,” Twilight’s founder told USA Today, “I wanted to change that.” Since 2003, TWILIGHT has fulfilled nearly 2,000 wishes.
FOREVER YOUNG SENIOR VETERANS takes World War II veterans, who can’t do it alone, on a “trip of a lifetime” to pay their respects at WWII sites.
Riverside County’s SHOW (Seniors Having One Wish) Board consists of senior-care professionals whose first bequest was to a 91-year old gent who wished he could visit his wife’s gravesite for the first time in seven years. The cemetery was only 25 miles away.
The inspiration for SENIORS HAVE DREAMS TOO was a skilled amateur artist living in a senior care facility who never had her own art exhibit. The foundation arranged a one-woman art show with a Champagne reception. She even sold two of her works!
“When you’re dealing with seniors and their hearts and something they’ve always wanted,” said a foundation founder, “you never know what you’re going to get.”
Another elderly woman wished to taste a chocolate malt like she used to enjoy at the corner ice cream parlor.
A 70-year old in the latter stages of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease had a wish to explore the world. One month later, thanks to social media, he received 1,400+ postcards from more than 65 countries!
A senior wished for a new electric scooter — so he could take his aging canine companion for one last walk.
One centenarian had her birthday wish granted with a ride in a hot air balloon.
Some of our own community’s seniors were recently asked about their one wish.
One dry-docked beach baby, raised a block from the ocean, wishes she could live near the waves one more time.
Another yearned to reunite with her cousins in Arizona whom she hasn’t visited for 51 years.
One 90-year orphaned senior’s wish was the security of knowing that as she gets older she will always have a home. As a new resident of the Golden Inn & Village, her wish came true.
I would wish for the chance to see everybody in kindergarten class. They’d all have to wear name tags, though, since I’ve not been in contact with a single one of them. But I’m curious how they turned out.
I confess, I’ve never been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions — they are too much about me, myself and I.
But I love the idea that wishes are dreams we can fulfill for others.
Although if I WERE to make a New Year’s resolution it would be to ensure that in 2017, we view our glasses as half-full — of good ol’ Valley vino! Cheers!
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>Hey, I had my ledge. George Bailey had his bridge. We all have our own toes-over-the edge times when we look into the abyss of self-doubt.
I say this because seeing It’s A wonderful Life – once again- made me realize how many George Bailey moments I had during the 13 year adventure of completing the Golden Inn & Village.
But with the doors to the Golden Inn & Village now open and the residents moving in, I can look back at those 13 years – from the day when the original concept for an affordable living campus for low-income seniors in our Valley was sketched on a proverbial napkin (then a yellow pad at home) and can honestly say that it ranks as one of the most difficult, challenging, emotionally wrenching accomplishments of my life.
But you know what? It is a wonderful strife.
As intensely challenging as it’s been, seeing Phase One finally completed brings me an intense feeling of pride and satisfaction unequalled by any other accomplishment in my life.
It’s A Wonderful Life is really about what motivates me to keep going.
You’re a quitter, Rona!” my dad yelled at me after I explained that my very first and infuriated boss of just a few days fired me on the spot. That’s because in a 40-page report (on a manual typewriter) I had one typo.
You’re a quitter, Rona!” cut me to the core – and stayed there.
I vowed I’d prove him wrong.
But just like George, during these past 13 years, I battled fiercely with myself to continue.
Just as George had people counting on him, my team had a long list of deserving seniors counting on us.
And just as George had help from an angel, we’ve had help – from countless angels. When we were so fortunate to receive just the right size check – guaranteeing GIV would be a reality – I stood in the middle of the room, held the check high, looked up and said, “This is for you Daddy.”
George Bailey was given the gift of seeing what his family’s life and his community would be like had he not existed. I too have been given a gift – a glimpse into the lives of some of GIV’s new residents.
The dire financial conditions and insecure living conditions they left behind reminds me again and again that it is all worth it - it is wonderful strife.
And our story is far from over. There will be a sequel: Phase II of GIV – one of the first affordable (we hope) memory care and assisted living units in the nation.
It will be called Harry’s House at the Golden Inn & Village, after my dad.
Did I just hear a bell ring?
Until next time…keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>“Up on the housetop slip, crash, crawl,
Poor ol’ Santa took a fall …”
No doubt someone ran an extension cord to string lights and forgot to secure the cord. What a nightmare before Christmas for the tripped up little old driver who will no longer be so lively and quick.
He is, as you know, the eldest elder of all. Mr. Kringle turns a jolly 1,746 years old this year. No wonder he makes a list and checks it twice.
Finally, there is someone as old as I feel!
And because ’tis the season for “the warm embrace of kith and kin” — as Clark Griswold would “thay,” your kith and kin will no doubt include those not as … uh … well, fresh as the newborn snow.
So let’s senior and Santa-proof our homes so this year our only surprises are the wrapped kind.
Those colorful throw rugs we throw down for the holidays? They’re slippery and can easily trip up the jolly guy, so let’s opt for bare floors or wall-to-wall carpeting.
All those ads and catalogs we use to build a moat around our chairs? Santa may want to peruse them, but let’s eliminate the clutter by using baskets and bins.
We all can relate to how hot chocolate can go right through Santa these days and nights. So in our dark hallways and bathrooms, let’s use adequate nightlights and glow-in-the-dark switches.
Out in the kitchen, Santa’s wondering eyes might poke around for some … Christmas spirits. So let’s put what Santa wants at waist level so he doesn’t have to reach or — God forbid — use an elf as a makeshift step stool.
Help Santa get a grip! Have a sturdy safety grip bar around the toilet and shower. Don’t forget nonslip mats on the shower floor or in the bathtub.
If Santa is going to have visions of sugarplums dancing in his head while he sleeps in your guestroom make sure a lamp is within reach.
And what do you get the Santa who has everything? Anything but slippers. Don’t let Santa put the “slip” in slippers. Instead, gift Santa with sensible, properly fitting boots with nonskid soles.
Yes, I’m making merry this time of year, having fun with a subject that could be just ho-ho-hum for some of you nonbelieving rebels without a Claus.
But it’s seriously important.
Falls are a leading cause of death from injury among people 65 and older. One-fourth of seniors who fracture a hip from a fall will die within six months of the injury.
I was just talking to a friend. Her 90-year old father fell, broke his hip and passed away a few days later.
Her 92-year old mother fell a week later and broke her hip. My friend doesn’t think her mother will last very long.
And for those who survive? Many lose the gift we elders wish for the most — independent living.
So let’s follow these tips and make sure this holiday season does not become a lost “Claus.”
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
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Seriously, my close-in-age friends testify to reading the obits as religiously as others check the box scores or stocks.
My friends and I agree that — as much as we can’t stand the thought of losing another friend — our first step is a quick scan for those we know now, then those we shared paths with for any length of time, and lastly those we never knew.
So what is our fascination? Is it a life-measuring contest? Are we comparing what the deceased accomplished to what we have or have not?
Obituary reading appears to be an obsession reserved only for we graying types. For this 80-year-old, it started when Robin Williams died. It suddenly became all consuming. It seemed like not a day went by that we lost a director, a writer, a photographer, an actor. …
But I still haven’t answered the question: Why? So I decided to dig a little deeper — not six feet — to consult the myriad online psychologists who, surprisingly, said nothing surprising.
They tell us that the ritual of reading obituaries — something we as a society have been doing for more than 500 years — can help us make sense of our own impending death if we extract something positive from someone else’s.
We either say to ourselves, “Well at least s/he had a good life” or “Well, I guess it could be worse.”
Needing a little cheering up, I searched for anyone choosing to take a lighter approach to the darker side.
Many did. Some of the funnier obituaries were even written by the subject themselves — before they died, I assume.
One woman started hers: “Trust me, writing this obituary is the last thing I wanted to do. …”
Another wrote: “Once again I didn’t get things my way!”
Families cited how therapeutic it was to laugh and cry their way through writing a humorous obituary about a loved one. One wrote that their mother “was not a mourning person” and preferred milk spewing out of noses rather than tears out from eyes.
A daughter and son wrote of their mother: “… if you want any of her helluva lot of junk, you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch … tomorrow morning would be fine!”
This past July, one family accused a loved one of escaping our mortal realm on purpose — just to avoid making the choice between the two 2016 presidential candidates!
So back to my original question: Why the fascination with obituaries? Psychology Today says it’s “not a fascination with death, but a testament that the reader is still alive.”
This is just another way of saying what I’m thinking: We the living gain a get out of jail free card sense of relief from being allowed at least one more time around the board.
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>A magazine article that caught my eye proved book readers live an average of almost two years longer than those who do not read books.
Like most of you, I keep books on my shelves that I revisit as I do longtime friends.
I know my mother read to me a lot, but the truth of the matter is I can’t recall a specific book from my early childhood. Though when I think back to those lavishly illustrated picture books, they seem more like they were places I visited and not just read about. Books were my virtual reality.
Who was it that said, a book is a dream that you hold in your hand?
The books that most molded, mesmerized and motivated me at the age of 10 were the Nancy Drew series. Many prominent and successful women cite Nancy Drew as encouraging them to take on unconventional roles. Most notable: Hillary Clinton.
Nancy was doing what I couldn’t do but desperately wanted to at that age — to get out. I loved the adventure of a good mystery: how she uncovered facts about people and helped to solve their problems. Now that I think about it, that’s what I ended up doing in my life.
People assume I read a lot of star autobiographies, but I really don’t. My sister does — then she tells me all the good parts!
Has there been a book that changed my life and the way I think? The first one that comes to mind is “The Prophet,” a book of 26 poetic fables written in 1923 by Kahil Gibran. Amazon’s website describes it this way: “Gibran’s prophet is rivaled in his wisdom only by the founders of the world’s great religions.”
Someone recently asked me what book I would like to have my name on, as if I had written it. “Gone with the Wind”: What a fabulous book. I’ve read it so many times I can’t count, but it’s never enough.
A good portion of my reading time these days is devoted to proofing my husband’s manuscripts — which makes me think of that ancient proverb: “Make love, not war. Or, if you want to do both, get married and work together!”
Oh, and if you think print is dead and traditional books belong in that great library in the sky, think again.
In 2016, 73 percent of adult Americans 18-plus report reading a printed book in the past year — virtually the same percentage as in 2012. Only 6 percent of Americans exclusively read digital books.
And, are you sitting down? Young people 18 to 29 read more printed books than those of us 65 and over!
For me, there’s still nothing like reading a book and the feel of turning a real page. To my friends who say they just love the smell of books, I am tempted to ask, “You do know how reading works, right?!”
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>Remember Will Ferrell, when the music awkwardly interrupted his fellow presenter Jack Black’s speech and he said to Black, “See? You’re boring!”
I can certainly relate to Sandra Bullock’s, “Did I really earn this, or did I just wear you all down?” moment.
But my favorite was Julia Roberts’ Erin Brokovich admonishment to the orchestra conductor readying her exit music, “So why don’t you sit,” she said, “Because I may never be here again.”
I wish I had taken Julia’s cue during my own high-emotion, high-adrenaline, too-brief-time-to-say-everything-I-wanted-to-say moment at the Rona Barrett Foundation’s recent Big Band Celebration Ball — a spectacularly successful fundraiser for the soon to be opened Golden Inn & Village.
Thanking you, our community, for your continued and unprecedented generosity, kindness, and volunteerism was foremost on my mind. This took some time because there were so many reasons to thank everyone.
Then, all of a sudden, I heard the magnificent Harry James Orchestra start my “exit” music. “This is just like the Oscars!” I heard myself protest.
Scooting off the stage I said to myself, “Why didn’t you say this…? You didn’t thank… You needed to tell them…”
Well, here’s what I needed to tell them, and so I will tell you as well: We still have more work to do — Phase II of the Golden Inn & Village — 60 affordable light assisted living and memory care units for those suffering with Alzheimer’s and those seniors and veterans needing light assisted living care at an affordable cost.
Our first challenge will be for the Rona Barrett Foundation to once again find the best partner so together we can raise the necessary capital to construct this “aging in place” building on the 2.2 acre parcel reserved for that very purpose on our 7.3 acres.
Our next challenge will be to figure out how we will be able to offer affordable Alzheimer’s and assisted living care to our low-income seniors including orphaned seniors and veterans.
Here’s the bottom line based on research completed by experts here on our Central Coast. In California, the average base cost of providing care for someone with Alzheimer’s is nearly $5,000 per month. A private room in a nursing home costs more than $6,800 per month. The average assisted living community cost for a resident with dementia runs about $4,600 per month. Additional costs vary widely depending on the facility, its location and the individual needs of the resident.
And of course, the total of this extraordinary price will be impossible for our low-income senior loved ones to pay.
Can we in our Santa Ynez Valley Shangri-La complete yet another Herculean task? Can we become a prototypical model for other communities with a high density of marginalized seniors by providing one of the first affordable senior residential “aging in place” facilities — the last place our seniors will call “home”?
Based on what we’ve accomplished together over the last sixteen years — I believe we can. We must.
Until next time…keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her [email protected]. The opinions expressed are her own.
]]>We all know our lives are our responsibility. In our early years, making decisions was fairly easy. We went to school, got a job or a career, got married, raised children and provided for their future. Later, we continued to make the necessary decisions. We retired (or not), we took care of ourselves and we took care of others.
But preparing for our own deaths is our responsibility as well, whether we have many to mourn our passing or no one. If we are unwilling to accept our responsibility, someone else will bear the burden. I shudder to think of what would have happened to my friend without anyone to care. She was an “orphaned senior.”
The only time she and I talked about dying was when she told me she was not worried because she knew God would take care of her. She had a will and she had a plot but no funeral package.
So I took on the responsibility of clearing out her apartment as quickly as possible and responsibility for her final arrangements and service.
To say that I was shocked at the amount of details and the amount of money it cost is not hyperbole. Among the decisions I had to make without guidance and on the fly were: whether to place her in a vault or underground, which casket was most appropriate and which marker would be most appropriate. Mortuary services included a basic professional service fee, cosmetology, flowers, dressing and casketing of my friend, funeral vehicle/hearse, refrigeration and transfer of her remains to the funeral home.
In addition, I ordered 12 certified copies of the death certificate as well as a permit — all were necessary purchases. The death certificate copies are used to close accounts, provide to creditors and insurance companies, as well as to make official notification. Her cable box had to be returned. It may not seem like a big deal, but under the circumstances, it became a big deal.
Had my friend and I talked about it beforehand — and prepared — so much agony and chaos could have been avoided.
Since her passing, I’ve had to ask myself some hard questions: Am I prepared to die? Have I done everything I can to make it as easy on those I leave behind so they don’t have to go through what I’ve just been through?
There are many online resources that will inform and guide us. Here are just a few: “Proper Death Planning” at nytimes.com; “Funeral Planning Checklist,” caregiverslibrary.com; “Six Great Tech Tools for Planning Your Own Death,” wisebread.com; and “Preparing for Your Own Death,” oktodie.com. Then there is “Taking Care After 50: A Self-Care Guide For Seniors” by Dr. Harvey Jay Cohen.
Whether we’re 35 or 95, it’s never too early to plan for our inevitable end. Let’s not leave our responsibility to our bereaved.
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at [email protected].
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