INFIDELITY IN HOLLYWOOD; Not a Private Affair

Over the years that I was covering Hollywood, there never seemed to be a year where someone famous was discovered being unfaithful to his or her partner.  It was only when these stories had a certain amount of salaciousness to them that the press could not ignore the story that they made headlines, similar to what is happening with today’s celebrities worldwide.

What I observed was the tremendous amount of pressure that was always put upon the male or the female when this private sexual matter became public.  Most of the time it was due to the fact that one of the two partners did something that brought their problem out into the public, which made it fair game for the press.

The issue always was “Why did this happen to two beautiful people who seemed to have everything?”
Ninety-nine percent of the time it had everything to do with ego.  When two stars marry and one star becomes bigger than the other, trouble is not far behind. This is especially true when the woman becomes a bigger star than the man/husband.  We all have egos, but the male ego seems to bruise much more easily than the female.

Sometimes with the woman being a bigger star than her husband (whether he is an actor or even not), men find it difficult to suddenly be called Mr. Bullock.  Or Mr. Stone.  Or Mr. Witherspoon.   Or even Mr. Ryan, as was the case of Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid.  Dennis openly admitted, after the marriage was over, that it was very difficult for him to see that every script that came to their house was for Meg.  He began doubting his own acting ability and other performances that arose or didn’t arise.  (Ironically, today Mr. Quaid’s star is shining much brighter than his ex wife’s.)

It isn’t just as simple as that, but it really is the basic cause.  During this period when the marriage starts heading south, women are equally as overwhelmed by the attention they are getting from often other men with bigger power than the woman and most definitely the husband.  Knowingly or unknowingly the dynamics between the married couple begins to change.  She’s making more decisions than when the relationship began.  And then there’s the money issue.  She’s now starting to pay all the bills.  He snaps at her; she snaps at him.  Neither has actually learned to communicate under these new stressors or able to express what each is really feeling inside their heads, which seems to be playing a game of ping-pong.

And then the name calling begins and he decides,” I’ll show her.  I can still date women who may even be bigger stars than she has become.”  And because they want to be found out, they start openly dating in out of the way places, but still a public place where there always  appears to be prying eyes like today’s paparazzi.

And, of course, there are the men who think they are all above reproach and the law with a sense of entitlement and can do whatever they want .  They are not necessarily in love with anyone new, just the thrill of the game that they can get away with things that most people cannot.  There are plenty of those examples: John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Jesse James and if you go back in history, the list could go on forever!

Unfortunately, in those cases, we don’t take into account the extenuating circumstances that made these men feel they were better than the rest of us or they felt the need to stray.  In many cases these men have been married to cold wives, women who detest sex, women who are afraid, women who have been abused, etc., etc.  That list can go on forever, too…

My issue, frankly, has less to do with the brazen infidelity and more to do with the brazen coverage of the events.

I do not know how many strangers (in the press) sleep under the beds of all the celebrities in the world. I know I never did.  Maybe it was because I had a bad back! (kidding!) So when people would ask me if so-and-so were having marital problems I couldn’t tell them anything accurate, unless I saw an actual incident first hand.

Nowadays, “reporters” peek through windows, dig through garbage bins, spy on the children of celebrity’s at school—Nothing is sacred.  It’s all about money and the big bucks paid to paparazzi and celebrity press for the most revealing, private or embarrassing image or detail.  Money takes the infidelity public! I can only say to these so called photographers and reporters, “Would you like someone to do this to you? Simply saying you’re only making fun of what is ridiculous is just not a good enough answer.”  Yes, there’s a lot of fun one can poke at covering the entertainment business, politics, and all its facets. We must look at the bigger picture; films, TV, music, sports and all forms of entertainment are one of America’s largest exporting businesses and has served to influence billions of people around the world as to what this country represents, –both its good and its not so good.  Therefore, some people need to think twice!  And then maybe a third time!   Respect for each other and for what we can do to help others should be paramount as a goal. These are the values that Americans should be projecting to the rest of the world. I know they are mine. Where do you stand?